"Die Philosoffen" by the Wise Guys / A little satire about the philosophers

Half way through the Nagel.  It is all so painfully obvious, one can fly through it.  I hope that Richard Dawkins read it.  No doubt he has.  We haven't heard so much from him lately, and Hitchens is dead.  They are/were both so smart, it's amazing how wrong they can be. It seems the smarter you are the wronger you can be. There is an aphorism by me.  I believe that I just invented it.  Only problem: it is so painfully obvious.

On Facebook, the other day, a pastor from Germany shared this song about the philosophers.  See the video and the German text below.  I have inserted my English translation between each verse.   Good fun.  

In checking now, I see that he has removed this piece from his newsfeed.  He must have felt is a little out of place after several days.

The group is called "Wise Guys".  Their lyrics are all quite witty, but in German language.  Their texts can be found here.  http://wiseguys.de/songtexte/detail%C2%ADs/die_philosoffen/

Just the title of this song "Die Philosoffen" is a word play on "philosophers" and "being drunk" ("besoffen").  But I will endeavor to translate this one for the general hilarity of it.  See below.





or here:   http://youtu.be/E8Ilr_YtEjs

Der Mann Aristoteles

war blöd, doch ich erzähl es:

Er spielte Philosoph

und fragte wie Klein Doof:

"Warum ist etwas da,

das da vorher noch nicht war?

Hmm...das hat bestimmt 'nen Grund!"

Vielen Dank für diesen Fund.

The man Aristotle,

was a bit silly, but I will tell the story,

he liked to play philosopher,

and simply asked plain stupid,

"Why is something here,

that was not here before?

That must have a cause!"

--thank you very much for this great discovery!

Ein Mann, genannt Diogenes,

der tat was Ungezogenes:

Er hat, wie alle wissen,

sich selber weggeschmissen.

So lebte er mit Wonne

in einer dicken Tonne,

und das war ein echter Renner -

heute macht des jeder Penner.

There was a man, called Diogenes,

he did something pretty unheardof.

He threw himself away into a big

barrel and lived in there,

--this was truly a big hit,

--nowadays every tramp does the same.

Die Philosoffen waren alle besoffen!
Das ist kein Witz und auch kein Neid:
Die waren breit, die ganze Zeit.
Die Philosoffen waren alle besoffen!
Liest man nur kurz in ihren Texten,
merkt man, dass sie Wodka exten.
Wahrheit ist zu später Stund'
eben ein Fass ohne Grund.
Doch mal ganz offen:
Das lässt mich hoffen,
dass man's im Leben zu was bringt,
wenn man trinkt.

The philosophers,

were all drunk.

We are not saying this as a joke or from envy.

They were broad (drunk?), the the whole time.

If you read only a little in their writings,

you can see that they were oozing vodka.

But truth, at a late hour,

is simply a barrel without a bottom.

But let us say this,

it gives me hope,

that one can get somewhere in life,

by being drunk.

Ein Mann, der Schopenhauer,

der macht mich wirklich sauer:

Der hatte einen Willen,

den konnt er aber nicht stillen.

Er fand, es sei Beschiss,

dass die Welt ist, wie sie is'.

Nun, das ist uns allen klar -

Schopi machte das zum Star.

There was a man, the Schopenhauer,

he makes me really quite sour.

He had a "will", 

which he could not fullfill.

He found that the word is crap,

the way it is.

Now, that's something we all knew,

but this recognition made Schopi a star.

Ein Mann mit Namen Hegel,

das war ein rechter Flegel:

der konnte etwas meinen

und es gleichzeitig verneinen.

Er widersprach sich ständig.

Das fand man wohl sehr wendig,

und man nannte diese Hektik

hochtrabend 'Dialektik'.

There was a man, named Hegel,

he was a real troublemaker,

he could mean something and deny it at the same time.

He contradicted himself constantly,

and people thought that was flexible,

and this type of hectic,

one proudly called a dialectic.

Die Philosoffen waren alle besoffen!
Sie sah'n der Wahrheit ins Gesicht
und waren hackestrunzendicht.
Die Philosoffen waren alle besoffen!
Liest man nur kurz in ihren Werken,
merkt man, wie sich Denker stärken:
Mit 'nem tiefen Blick ins Glas -
in vino veritas!
Doch mal ganz offen:
Das lässt mich hoffen,
dass es im Leben besser läuft,
wenn man säuft!

The philosophers were all drunk!

The looked the truth right in they eye,

and remained as dumbstruck as before.

The philosophers were all drunk!

If you briefly read in their works,

you can see quickly, how a 

thinkers strengthens himself:

with a deep look into the glass,

in vino veritas!

But let me say this,

all this gives me hope,

that life goes better,

when you drink.

Ein Mann - das war der Platon -

da erzähl' ich euch noch grad von,

der wollt' was von Sokrates,

doch Sokrates, der verbat es.

Drum erfand der Platon Liebe,

die auskommt ohne Triebe -

na, wie soll denn das jetzt gehn?!

Im Suff hat man Ideen!

There was a man, his name was Plato,

I will quickly tell you about him.

He wanted something from Socrates,

but Socrates forbade it.

Therefore, Plato invented love,

which gets away without urges.

Well, how is that supposed to work?

When drunk one has some strange ideas.

Die Philosoffen waren alle besoffen!
Sie waren voll bis unter'n Rand,
das nennt sich nüchterner Verstand.
Die Philosoffen waren sowas von besoffen!
Liest man nur kurz in ihren Schriften,
merkt man, dass sie wohl auch kifften:
Erst 'ne große Tüte bau'n
und dann die Wahrheit schaun'!
Doch mal ganz offen:
Das lässt nicht hoffen!
Ich bin betroffen
und könnt mich zoffen,
denn mir wird auf einmal klar,
was der Grund des Übels war -
drum ist alles schief gelaufen
und sie fingen an zu saufen,
waren sie auch noch so schlau:
Ihnen fehlte was.
Na, was war denn das?
Na, was wohl? Ja, genau: Eine...

The philosophers were all drunk!

They were rather plastered,

and now we call it sober reason.

The philosophers were drunk,

if you briefly read their writings

...

suddenly it becomes clear to me

what the real problem was,

this is why everything went wrong,

and why they started to drink,

because even though they were smart,

something was missing.

Well, what was it?

Well, what?  Yes, certainly...

a .....

(Frau:  woman)

...Frau findet man schwerlich

in der Philosophie, doch mal ehrlich,

es wäre auch verlogen,

zu sagen: Frauen nehmen keine Drogen.

Und doch ist etwas anders

als beim Mann. Ja, Mann, was kann das

denn nur sein? Ich denk und denk...

Jetzt brauch ich erst mal ein Getränk!

... a "woman" is hard to find in philosophy,

let's be honest.

And it would be a lie to say,

that women don't take drugs,

but still it is something different than with a man.

With a man it is, 

what is it,

I think and think...

I think I need a drink!